Video 037 Couple therapy Phase 3 (Managing Conflict)
Use this solution
With one or both partners in a relationship after the first two prongs of the EMDR process have been completed, i.e. past and present traumatic events, together with associated beliefs, emotions and body sensations have been desensitized and reprocessed.
Now the focus is on the future and the development and deployment of new skills to help resolve conflict should it arise in future. In particular it shows:
· a typical conflict cycle
· how to interrupt the pattern
· how to use the interruption to break the pattern.
· how to equip participants to avoid the pattern repeating,
Originator:
Mark I Nickerson, a psychotherapist, clinical consultant and trainer. He is the Director of EMDR Advanced Training and Distance Learning, LLC. https://markinickerson.com
Video production
Matthew Davies Media Ltd, Llanidloes, Powys. www.matthewmedia.com
Take-Away Section
What this covers
The case is about Jane, who came for help about her relationship with her wife, Mary. This video is the third of a three part video series that demonstrates several important aspects of working with difficult partner relationships. The three videos focus on the relationship in the past, in the present and in the future.
The first video (035) shows how to work on the past, particularly with the negative beliefs Jane has about herself, linked to past traumas that contribute to damaging the relationship.
This second video (036) uses an adaption of the standard EMDR protocol to process the current negative beliefs Jane holds about herself in relation to her partner as well as the negative beliefs she holds about her partner. These beliefs are also detrimental to the relationship.
This final video (037), demonstrates the use of Future template protocol to install new skills designed to manage conflict in future.
How long
19.01 minutes
Related videos
Video 035 and 036
Go to ‘Take-away’?
Wrap up:
Aide mémoire: Step by step guide how to use the protocol - available to copy and paste.
+ Wrap up
+ Aide Mémoire
There are several learning points for the client to be aware of, and procedures to master that require practice: 1. Understanding the typical conflict cycle; 2. Knowing how to interrupt the conflict pattern with the Time out/time in procedure; 3. Strengthening self- awareness to recognise when we are is in danger of losing control, and need to use the Time in/time out procedure; 4. Being assertive in the face-to-face/one-on-one communications, especially when using the Time out/time in procedure, for example.
Typical conflict cycle. See Exhibit 1 below. Explain the pattern and the importance of interrupting it, and using the ‘break’ to good effect. Discuss with the client the pattern in their own conflict situation and the degree to which this pattern fits their own situation.
Explain the Time out/time in procedure, its use when we feel in danger of losing control during a discussion or argument, and its purpose - to allow the nervous system to come down from the fight or flight response we may be experiencing, and to move back into a window of tolerance and effective functioning. Agree ways of ‘cooling down’ and regaining control in the ‘Time out’ phase – e.g. Video 054. Use the Future template protocol (Video 008) to enable the client to develop and practice the Time out/time in procedure until they can use it with confidence.
Strengthening self-awareness. See Exhibit 2 below. Explain the importance of knowing when we are in danger of losing control. Ask the client to take the sheet home and complete it for the next session.
Introduce the concept of being assertive rather than being passive-aggressive or just aggressive. Confirm how the client behaves during discussions and arguments. Use the Future template protocol (Video 008) to practice the Assertiveness tool until they can use it with confidence. See Exhibit 3 below.